I am here to inform the public of the unknown dangers of that most famous breakfast snack, the Kellogg's Pop Tart. The S'mores Pop Tart in particular. Though I still love them as the fine, nutricious breakfast snack they are, I must take this opportunity to let the population at large know of the tragic incident that occurred on December 29th.You see, I had purchased a new toaster for Anita for Christmas, kind of as a joke, but also because the one we had we received as a wedding present 20 years ago had stopped working up to it's maximum performanc
e. So this is the one I got for her. A fine toaster, don't you think? However, being the guy I am, I didn't read any directions or use any common sense for that matter, apparently. On the morning of December 29th, I threw 2 S'mores Pop Tarts in that new toaster without considering that I would need to use a different setting than I used on the 20 year old toaster. A setting of 8-9 was a bit much I guess. From the other room, the odor of burning Pop Tart overtook
me and I rushed into the kitchen to find them burning and that fine gooey chocolate and marshmellow filling oozing out on the toaster. I immediately tried to rescue the Pop Tarts and salvage them for my consumption. When I grabbed the first smoking hot breakfast gem from the new Atomic Toaster, it collapsed on my left hand, the goo spreading over my middle finger on my left hand and sticking to it like a nuclear super glue. I ran to the sink (2 steps) and immediately ran cold water on it, t
o no avail. Within hours I had a mammoth blister about an inch long on top of my middle finger. It just kept growing, and burning, and growing, and really, really burning. I didn't get a picture of the blister before I lanced it to let it ooze, but here is a picture, post lancing and then another today. I might recover, but I have to say that, in my opinion, Pop Tarts may be the spawn of satan.
e. So this is the one I got for her. A fine toaster, don't you think? However, being the guy I am, I didn't read any directions or use any common sense for that matter, apparently. On the morning of December 29th, I threw 2 S'mores Pop Tarts in that new toaster without considering that I would need to use a different setting than I used on the 20 year old toaster. A setting of 8-9 was a bit much I guess. From the other room, the odor of burning Pop Tart overtook
me and I rushed into the kitchen to find them burning and that fine gooey chocolate and marshmellow filling oozing out on the toaster. I immediately tried to rescue the Pop Tarts and salvage them for my consumption. When I grabbed the first smoking hot breakfast gem from the new Atomic Toaster, it collapsed on my left hand, the goo spreading over my middle finger on my left hand and sticking to it like a nuclear super glue. I ran to the sink (2 steps) and immediately ran cold water on it, t
o no avail. Within hours I had a mammoth blister about an inch long on top of my middle finger. It just kept growing, and burning, and growing, and really, really burning. I didn't get a picture of the blister before I lanced it to let it ooze, but here is a picture, post lancing and then another today. I might recover, but I have to say that, in my opinion, Pop Tarts may be the spawn of satan. 
5 comments:
ouch! I'm sorry that happened!
Since it's been almost a month since "the incident", can I assume you're doing better?
And what did we learn from this? Is it really funny to buy your wife a toaster for Christmas? What is a forty year old guy doing eating pop tarts for breakfast?, (switch to toaster struddles). You have disrupted Karma. It is a good thing you did not buy a new vacum as an anniversary gift.
i ate an 8 count box of s'more pop tats this weekend just to show them who's boss. I ate them cold (cautious but superior)
Thanks for doing your part in showing the Pop Tarts we won't be taken lightly.
Ok Chris. That's your punishment for getting sweet thing a kitchen appliance as a gift. Just ask Ivy - he did buy me a vacuum cleaner for our 20th anniversary :)
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